Forgive Me

Forgive my silence. I know some of you worry. We are well. Dealing with another major life shift… but well.

When I returned from Montana my mother in law had all of our belongings boxed up and we were kicked out. The invasion of having someone sort through your things is inexplicable. My children being 14 and 16 were mortified.

We had had an argument over the phone during the summer, I insulted her, she insulted me and although I apologized more than once via voicemail as she wouldn’t take my calls and tried to keep my side of the street clean… she packed us up. Also cashing the rent check for August, which we did not spend one night in that house. 

So the kids are hurt again and I am always surprised that betrayal always surprises me. I should know by now.

Anyway, we are at my mother’s 875 square foot 2 bedroom mobile home. I drive 60 miles a day to keep them in the same supportive school… but the girl has stopped cutting. 

It has been months.

She has a very supportive boyfriend whom she met in recovery at Ala-teen. She is off all her meds (which I am not saying you should do) but she is 17 and it was her choice?

But after three years of fairly intensive therapy (which is ongoing), psychiatry and medication… I suppose this would be the goal. She says she isn’t having self-harm feelings anymore. She is writing a ton. She seems sincerely happy.

I am no fool. I know this could flare again. But for now… I am grateful to see my child’s smile. Not the forced smile through a wall of pain. But her genuine smile.

Her eyes are clear and sparkle with the diamonds of her soul as opposed to the blank, dark, absent stare into the abyss.

Maybe the abyss stared back and she liked what she saw…

Thank you to those of you who supported us through the hell that was a moment in our lives.

Do not give up, those of you that visit or live in or near the same hell.

I am here if anyone needs… a mother.