The cutting has escalated or the geography has changed. She now cuts on her stomach and hips so as not to have to alter her wardrobe in this heat.
One cannot feel but they have failed as a mother.
Is failing.
I have 19 years sober.
Why?
I have my own form of self mutilation and I could use an indulgence myself right now.
But is it as simple as indulgence? Do these girls,these people choose this?
No.
God damn mental illness.
Mothering a Cutter 
3 responses to “The Hidden”
No, we do not choose. We fall…every time. And if we are lucky, we have a beautiful soul like you in our lives to help us get back up, and forgive ourselves and go on.
She is lucky to have you in her life. You have not failed.
She does not fail Rising Song, if you know she is writing for you too and you keep rising . . .
I struggled with this same thing for many years. I had to learn that it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to fall as long as you get back up. It’s just another valley, my mountain was coming. We live and we learn. It won’t always be this way. I just had go keep telling myself that i would beat this one of these days.
I am now 23 and 2 years sober. I hesitate in typing the word “sober” because it is neither drugs nor alcohol I was addicted to. It’s a much different addiction…one that society views as “unstable” and “crazy”. But it is was it is. An addiction. And it was a long and hard battle but I fought and came out victorious. I didn’t have my mother fighting alongside me. She bought into the lies that self mutilation is nothing more than attention seeking. That right there gets my blood boiling. What helped me through my addiction was the organization To Write Love On Her Arms. I dont know if you have heard of it, if not, check them out. They can offer you and your daughter some support through this journey. You can’t truly understand what one who struggles with this is going through until you have been there, or you allow yourself to be open to the fact that its the way some people cope. Which is what you are doing. I’ve been reading your blogs for weeks now, and I’m moved to tears nearly every time. The love you have for your daughter spills out through your words. Keep holding on Mom. Keep cleaning and bandaging her wounds. Keep doing what you’re doing. I’m praying that one day soon, she will see her beauty and her worth and she will put down her razor, never to be touched again. I’m also praying strength for your heart. What I wouldn’t have given for a mother like you. Much love to you and your daughter.